Here’s my Weekly Column for Different Truths originally posted HERE
Deciding to end your marriage, without question is the most heart-breaking decision a couple could face. Marriage does not necessarily keep two people tied together, it’s the love and friendship between them which matters. Walking out of a relationship that you thought would end a lifetime and were willing to do anything to make it work is difficult but staying in an unhappy marriage could be worse.
Let’s take a different approach of looking at things. Being married to someone should feel like living with your best friend, no guessing, no drama and no obligations. You should not have the need to think twice before saying anything. A married couple can only be successful when they can talk about most disturbing aspects of their life and still go to bed not being mad at each other.
There’s an increasing number of divorces in India, which was unheard of in the past centuries. Our parents and grandparents were united through arranged marriages and they still manage to be a happy couple. Unlike, our generation that chose their life partner, were head over heels in love with each other as they tied knots in marriage and within a few years, they realise they cannot live together. There have been couples who were lovers for almost a decade but fall apart within a year of marriage. What has changed? Why has it become easier to walk out a relationship?
Why are our relationships immune to disaster? Has the West been an influence in our marriages? Women are more independent compared to that of a few decades ago. One of the reasons, women stayed much longer than they should have in an abusive marriage was financial dependence on their husbands and societal pressure to perform. We have finally broken the shackles of pleasing the society in all aspects. Our women are financially and emotionally independent human beings. They are already living alone away from their home and families. Women have understood that they do not need a man to survive.
“After my first wife and mother of my five children left us permanently, I felt like going through a divorce was the worst thing that could happen to a family. So when my second marriage was falling apart, as my kid’s sole and single parent, I was desperate to protect them from the trauma of another divorce. As a result, I kept the family in a situation that wasn’t good for any of us. The reality is, the worst thing for your children is for them to live in a hostile home and have them see you unhappy. My life and my children’s’ lives have gotten better and happier with each passing day after the divorce,” said Matt Sweetwood.
Walking out of a relationship that no more nurtures you and makes you feel better about yourself would always be the right decision. When a relationship is no longer a healthy one, you should abandon it. Never endure a broken marriage just to fulfill the vows you made or for the sake of commitment. You are doing no good to your partner and your children by pretending to love them. Children who grew up watching their parents fight and abuse each other take a very long time to heal themselves. They become rigid and closed when it comes to love. They start seeing marriage as hell. To bring up children in an unhappy marriage is the worst parenthood.
“If you’re a parent with young kids, getting a divorce is better than staying in a bad marriage because these are formative years for them. They will likely seek out and emulate the types of relationships they see modeled. I want my relationships to be happy, healthy and mutually respectful so that my children never settle for anything else in their own lives,” advises Lindsey Light.
Learning to let go and step into the unknown may be the single most important thing you can do for your own sanity and the sanity of those around you. Divorce sometimes is better than spending a life in an unhappy marriage.