I am accused often of never calling people on the phone, canceling plans, de-activating social networks, going offline in the middle of a conversation, replying to messages after days or never replying at all. We all do that on some days. I just do that quite often.
My Personality is that of a Happy and Friendly Person but deep inside, I am a Loner. People consume me, empty me and make me sad. I have to get away from all kind of human connection to refill, to balance, to gear up for another day.
I do not like talking.Words are magical and when they are thrown upon without a thought, they lose its meaning. I am perfectly capable of spending days alone without any human communication. To be lost in a jungle, stranded on an isolated island, living on a new planet fascinates me, lures me and fills me with Joy.
I Disappear sometimes. It is my Thing.
To be misunderstood, judged and labeled are in my genes. I don’t remember when this happened but long time back, I stopped sharing my feelings. Maybe, I never had someone who would listen to me. I started writing them down.
I do not anymore run to people and ask for help when I feel lost. Someone once taught me that If you can’t keep your own secrets, don’t expect others to do that for you. When you open yourself in front of another soul, your scars, your unhealed wounds, your fears and your pains come alive. Most of the people will judge you, some would sympathize and If you’re lucky , one of them would understand.
I regret sharing deepest secrets of my Life with people who pretended that they care. Being on my own has become a natural way of living to me. The early you learn this thing, the better life becomes. All you got is Yourself.
You have to be my Mom or a fucking important human to me if I want to talk to you.