I have never been THIS weird before, the way I am becoming since past few months. A whole month passes by and I have to think how it went. I have never been more involved in writing like today. I am working with a lot of Publishers, writing content for websites, doing blog posts, compiling all the creative work of my life but I am not certainly happy with my work.
I am losing the very essence of writing – to pour my heart out. I might be becoming my 16-year-old self again when it mattered what people think about me and when I had to pretend to be like everyone else. It’s nothing but suffocating the kind of pressure an individual is always surrounded with like Air which is invisible but present nonetheless.
” I do not hate people, but I certainly feel better when they’re not around, “ said someone.
I am done with narrating my life to public. It certainly is better to pretend than be yourself with some people. 99% of them are interested in your life because they need masala for their own pathetic lives.
Deep inside, I’m scared.
I stopped sharing details about my life to everyone. I learned that most of them are just glad that you have problems.I find it hard to even tell people that I am happy. I have seen repercussions of sharing happiness. Just like they were glad I had problems, they had a problem every time I was glad.
Being Sensitive can be a curse at times. I feel the energy of the place and people heavily.I hear what they speak in their hearts, I see them naked and bare with maliciousness spread all over them. I do believe in Energy – Positive and Negative.
I can talk to you every day about all the things in the world and there still are chances that you won’t know a thing about me. I am very selective of the people that get to know me.
One childhood friend had broken my trust and I started doubting everyone else. That is the thing about Being Hurt. It piles one hurt upon another year after years.
I am oscillating between many beliefs ideologies, emotions, and isms as of now. A Revolution has begun already. I am breaking the castles build from old beliefs and making the place for new ones to establish themselves.
What I do not need as of now is Fake Relationships, Pretentious Conversations, and Things that have no Soul.
It does not matter if I end up being alone or with a handful of people, I refuse to carry on the weight of friendships that have become a burden for my soul.
I am not used to this Idea of loving people who would be of help to you. I have no notion of loving people half-heartedly when I love, I do it fiercely and unconditionally.
I am not expecting a similar kind of love but I can not keep giving away myself for someone who loves me when they find it comfortable to do so.
I am walking away from all people who turned into chains…