On those Lonely Nights

I have a thing for the intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk about love,  life and everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full speed train that is our lives slowing down to the crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitation.To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life

I wonder – When people leave us, they often take away an enormous part of our soul and maybe that is why we need someone to fill that void.It’s about the little million things that kept piling upon inside the deepest shadows of our soul and they flood in one night.Your throat chokes and you suddenly find it hard to breathe. Let loose. Just bleed on those days.

 I learned to let go of pain but at times, the wounds open up like dead bodies from graves. We recreate and relive few moments a hundred times just to pick out that one word which shattered us.
We talk about the practicality of life but the truth remains we are vulnerable to everything that surrounds us.Starting from the alarm clock that wakes us up to the last movie of the night – everything impacts us in a certain way.

I would rather sit alone in one corner of my room with coffee and a book than party all night. I am not a speaker and this has spoiled my image in many ways, I do not share my feelings until I am forced to speak. It is a rebellion for me to speak against the silence.  I will do anything and everything to make a relationship that’s important work but when I decide to move out, I won ‘t regret. Because I know I did everything I was capable of.

I am too vulnerable to be told that I am not enough. I might just start telling these words to myself before I go to sleep.

On those lonely nights, when you find it hard to put back pieces of your heart together. It’s not easy to love when we see people as weak, vulnerable, broken and shattered wanting to be held.

Some relationships have been broken beyond repair. You can’t put them back and if at all you do, you won’t be able to do it without losing a part of yourself.

I have walked out of all the relationships that were eating me like a termite. I do not spend eternity trying to fix something up . I am plain. There are no inverted commas with my identity. I say what I feel inside my heart, nothing else. I am too rebellious to be tamed.

Nobody fixes you.
You have to do it for yourself. There is a havoc, a terrible storm inside the heart and lips chose to seal, not utter a word. When you wake up with swollen eyes, heavy heart and cut open wounds.


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