The Un-approachable me

I have a kind of vigilant and watchful eyes that can see through any disguise.You can’t cheat me unless I allow you to . I can smell ” losers ” like rotten bananas.If I stay away from you purposely , I do that to save myself.Forgive me. I won’t hate you either as it would mean you’re gonna stay in my mind.I would plainly press ignore.

At times , I make myself ” UN-approachable “because there’s so much going on in your life that you are trying to cope with already and any kind of disturbance would just ruin it all. You get so busy with life that you start cursing it , not liking it and wanting to go back to the leisure.BUT , than you also do not need the free time to Think about all the crap of Why’s and Why nots.

 

There’s a lot happening right now .It’s my mom dad’s anniversary today and I haven’t got the right time and mood to call them.December 9.I kind of miss home and at the same time , I yearn to be around myself doing nothing. It’s more than weird what I feel these days.I am PMS ng too. It’s been days I do not get up with a fresh mind or sleep either without thinking about getting early in the morning. Training sucks..

I am the one who spends at least 5 minutes in the morning thanking in advance for the good day ahead.Have been skipping it more than my exercise schedule. Open fridge , eat chocolates and curse myself.Go for training , work like a gadha and curse myself again.That SPARK is missing big time. That happiness , joy and glitter of pure gold in my eyes when I was in America. Gosh , I miss being there much more than I had ever imagined.

I like Expressions.I hear unsaid words and feel the energy people pass on but still I always need words to assure my silly creative self that I am loved.I want to be near the beach and mountains and people who don’t speak hindi. haha How kiddo is that ? We used to talk all the crap back than as we knew firangis won’t get anything we say . We felt the same when they spoke Spanish.Guess what , mujhe bahar ki hawa lag gyi h ( I can’t live in India anymore ) 

Trust me I feel like Shahid Kapoor flushing his Exe’s Photograph , It’s that kind of Relief now that I have accepted what’s actually wrong with me or right.

You can leave if you don’t wana ruin your day or night listening to buckets of complaints I got from life . I sound like a PESSIMIST , I hate being Negative.But let’s accept it sometimes this Law of Attraction too seems like shit you keep on telling yourself and when things do not work out , you blame your own self. This means everything that goes wrong in your life is because of you and how heart breaking is that. You can’t blame people , circumstances and God for anything. This is so not done.


Been quite long , I had been thinking of pouring it out at my space.That song – sab kuch wahi hai fir b kami h ” is all about my life as of now. I have Angel by my side.We are still madly in love with each other.I have crazy friends and awesome family but something is so damn missing here. My subconscious mind says it’s a baby. Noo or May be Yes. Oh wait , this is not what is missing , I bet.

  I guess I need to stop writing before I do something that I WOULD REGRET

Love 

The ever Positive Girl shall be back soon

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10 thoughts on “The Un-approachable me

  1. Hi Nikita, Please take care of yourself more. For more than a year reading through your blog, i am pretty sure that you are brilliant soul, avid & methodological mind. But for past few months your thoughts have slightly transformed. I remember your enlighting and enchanting posts you used to write, and how much they emanated positive aura on readers. But now you need to regain composure, regain back your enchanting world, come back to self. I hope you would not get offended and delete my comment, ( this is the first instance i saw by u). Cheer up, u r very brilliant.

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