I’m Afraid

I’m afraid I would lose myself in being someone , someone they all expect me to become.Yes , I care too much and I suffer.I think too much and create a problem that wasn’t even there at first place. I might be in a 26 year old body but my heart is 5 years old forever. I do not check for validity,reason and logic before getting hurt. If I ain’t getting your love and attention , I have all the world’s reason to get Angry .

They do not want to appreciate me but are willing to criticize.I am vulnerable ,too fragile to be told that You ain’t Good.I might take the words too seriously and damn myself.I demand Respect more than I need Love .I would not let you disrespect me ,no matter how close You are to Angel. Out of many many things that Marriage teaches you , one of the most crucial lessons is ” You are Alone and You gotta love the fact” Nobody can love you enough but yourself or your parents. With every passing day , I miss my family more and more.I think of those days when I showed tantrums for little things and was never judged. I miss those days when people were real and If at all they talked bad about me , It was on my face. I miss being at my own Home.

I ‘m sure every married girl at some point in her Life feels like , ” Why the Hell did I got Married”. There are no Perfect Marriages and Good ones are the result of real efforts on part of both the partners. I feel Marriage is BEAUTIFUL , It’s everyone else around and involved in it that make it so complicated.Indians have a long way to go. We have learn t to bring up our daughters as Princesses but We are still the ones who make our DIL feel miserable.I am not cribbing about my Life  but I am talking on behalf of all Indian Married Women.

My Best Friend says I am becoming a Cribber .I call her and cry for like hours. I secretly close doors and weep all alone.I am afraid I ‘m on the verge of Extinction. I am myself rarely.

I am Blessed.I am far far more lucky than most of the people I know.The only problem is that I demand to be treated the way I treat myself which in itself is a Problem.

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8 thoughts on “I’m Afraid

  1. Nice post. I hope this is a “fiction” you wrote. I cannot believe this is real after reading your post “We turn one next month”. Please don’t worry. These are only passing clouds.

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