Should get back to writing real stuff

Sitting near the window with my life -my laptop ,my only friend these days which makes me smile ,cry and laugh.I can hear the chirping of the birds , sun rays piercing and reaching me ,yellow flowers with tint of white that made my day today ,Listening to random songs that youtube pops up to,Reading my favorite blogs and wondering I have moved away from writing the real stuff.

I am too much getting involved in competitions and blog contest because I get new readers/followers .Sometimes, I get a reason to write too. I have been a detective to few blogger friends and realized they leave same comment at twenty blogs.copy n paste had worked wonders.But why am I getting bothered ?

There is something that needs to be fulfilled , something that my heart is yearning for and I am trying to locate it in everything I see. I feel cut off from my closest friends even if there isn’t a single day i don’t talk to them.We talk and they ask me how are you ..They never feel how am I.

I yearn to go out and make new friends , find my own ways ,get back in shape,stick to healthy organic diet , help him quit cigarette forever,write as much as I am wiling of writing,Write till there is nothing else left to share.

I slept last night early without talking to him,There were a million things running in my head and I wanted to cry , not knowing why. I am losing confidence to do things on my own. Fear of being caught up in family responsibilities and neglecting my own self had been haunting me since long.

I say ” yes” when my heart is screaming “no” just for the ones I love. There have been friends,relatives and strangers who benefited out of it.I am talking all stupid weird things that make no sense at all but I still feel at least someone would understand.

It has nothing to do with happiness..I had never attained this kind of supreme happiness ever before in my Life that Angel brought in my Life.It’s something about me , a yearning of my very soul that is craving for admiration for my own talents. It’s scared to be lost in the crowd of duties and responsibilities.

It’s scared to answer all the pointing fingers that would be raised , searching for ways to gain strength for the same.Fear haunts me that the Enchantress would be lost in chores of daily life. 


4 thoughts on “Should get back to writing real stuff

  1. Our problem is we expect a lot and think a lot! We yearn for understanding.
    You are not at fault. Hold on and I am sure u wud be fine 🙂
    And yes you would do everything you want to do. This is just a sad phase.


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