A lifetime of 25 years
If you can’t fall in love with yourself the world will find it hard to love you either –
the lessons I learned from my life.
I was born and brought up in a huge Indian joint family where my grandfather and his brother lived together with all their sons, grandsons, daughters and daughters in law.
I was first to the new generation. I was Pampered, Loved and Spoilt by as many as 20 relatives living under the same roof.
I was a cute girl whom mom decorated like a doll with fancy clips and matching footwear. I grew up seeing love overflowing in my chambers. I was alien to negativity and ill will towards others. Flaws will be there even in perfect of things. Imperfection is Beauty.
It’s deeply instilled inside my roots that elders are always right and you have to obey them even at the cost of killing your own desires which later led to the strangulation of who I wanted to be in my Life.
I rarely expressed my dreams to anyone. Slowly I started building a protection layer around me and it was no surprise that I had started living in my own shell. I was traumatized and made fun of being overweight and submissive.I never reacted but always cried.Slowly I had developed the hatred for myself and the belief that I was not Beautiful.
Every girl should be told that she is pretty when she is young even if she isn’t – Lady Gaga.
My mom is an Inspiration to me. I see her as an Ideal Woman but I never wanted to be like her or let me put it this way I am not strong like her. I have seen her sacrificing so much for our family.
My Dad spoke very less and I got this trait from him. I have seen orthodoxy in my own set of relatives who believed I should not wear a skirt for I have grown up tall. I can never forget when I got my first periods I was being looked down upon as If I had been raped. A child knows no maturity and everything you tell them to become the inner voice.I learned that being a woman was being shameful.
I was rebellious because the world outside was a threat, a huge threat to my free spirit.
I often had a dream of flying in the Sky and now I know why? I wanted to break free.
Literature Studies had empowered me and given me the strength that was lying dormant in my soul.
I now knew I was Beautiful. I can have anything I want. I knew that parents are not always right.They might not know themselves they are wrong. The innocence in me has lived long and I encountered witches and monsters in my life who tried sucking out Life of me
I don’t trust people easily now and when I do I am scared of being ditched. The scars keep reminding me of the pain I went through. I have my own flaws and I have learned the art of accepting myself as I am.
I even believe I have something magical inside me. I am told that my touch is soothing and pain relieving and that talking to me always makes people feel better . I love madly or I just don’t care.
My ethics in life are quite simple. Anyone trying to change me in any way is shown the exit door. I am self-obsessed Princess who really doesn’t need anyone else to make her happy. I don’t believe in carrying the burden of guilt, hatred, and insecurities with me. I forgive and forget often. I work on soul level rather than working personally.
Anyone trying to pull me down is instantly thrown out of my Life
And when we come to seek inner peace and wisdom the world looks a mess. You no longer fit in the frame.You start loving yourself so fiercely that Loneliness becomes Solitude.
I have realized that I am too Precious to be linked with anything but the Best